Tu B’Av, the Jewish holiday of love and romance, was yesterday! In ancient Israel, it was a day for young people to frolic in the vineyards beneath the light of a full moon. But love doesn’t expire at sundown.
Judaism has never understood love as merely a feeling. Love is something we learn. Something cerebral. How does the meaning of the word love change when we substitute the word consider? As in, “You should consider your neighbor as you do yourself,” or in the V’ahavta: “You shall consider Adonai your God with all your heart, soul, and might.”
While being considerate may seem like a low bar, the more I think about it, the more it feels like true love. How do I act when I am considerate of those closest to me? How do I conduct myself if I am considerate of the unique experiences and perspectives that are not my own? What does consideration look like when I am actively disagreeing with someone?
Perhaps this is why the Torah teaches, “Place these words upon your heart.” It does not say in your heart. We cannot force ourselves to feel, and we cannot be made to think. But we can choose to place words, ideas, and values upon our hearts. We can be intentional. We can practice consideration. And over time, those acts of consideration might shape the way we think, the way we live, and the way we feel.
Love is not simply an emotion that overtakes us. It is the opportunity to consider another as deeply as we consider ourselves. Love is only an abstract idea until it becomes consideration. Then, it becomes real.